Jingle All the Way ala SF Ch. 2
By Ryu Dragon
Author/narrator/director/producer: It was December the 23rd… In the Russia
where the weather is colder than M.Bison’s heart…
Rose: Waitaminute, waitaminute !!!!
Author/narrator/director/producer: What ?
Rose: What do you mean ‘in Russia’ ? Wasn’t the story supposed to be in New
York ?
M.Bison: Yeah, and what do you mean by ‘the weather is colder than M.Bison’s
heart’ ?
Author/narrator/director/producer: eh heh, well, you see, Zangief wanted the
story to be set in Russia, in his motherland, so he can show off to his friends
and family. About the metaphor… who in here that doesn’t agree ?
Rose: Well, we don’t complain about the metaphor, but we do complain about
the place !
M.Bison: Hmmph !
Dee Jay: (shivered) Yeah, it’s too cold in here, man !
Blanka: Wooow wooo Wooow wooo !! (translated: Yeah, I agree with them !)
All casts except M.Bison and Zangief: We want New York ! We want New York !
Author/narrator/director/producer: (raised his hands) Okay, okay, we go to
New York ! But I keep the metaphor.
M.Bison: Hmmph !
All casts except M.Bison and sulking Zangief: Yayy !
M.Bison: Double hmmph !
Author/narrator/director/producer: It was December the 23rd… The place is
New York where the weather is colder than M.Bison’s heart…
M.Bison: Hmmph !!!
Author/narrator/director/producer: (Ignored M.Bison)… In a busy big company,
Zangief is working as the president of the company, he was now answering the
call from one of his customer.
Zangief: … Yes, yes, don’t worry, we will take care of your problem. Yep,
sure, and remember you are our number one customer. (Put the receiver back).
Author/narrator/director/producer: Suddenly the phone rang.
Zangief: (Picked up the phone) Big Bulky Bear Company, how can I help you ?
Rose: Zangief, are you still in the office ? Do you know what time is it ?
Zangief: Of course, and before you ask me if I remember Benny’s Karate
grading tonight or not, yes I remember. Don’t worry, I’ll be there, I promise.
Rose: Well, you better be because if you’re not, I’m gonna burn you with my
Soul Spark.
Author/narrator/director/producer: Cut ! Rose, that’s not the correct line !
Rose: Whoops, sorry, hehehe.
Zangief: Well, don’t worry, I’ll be there, see you there.
Rose: Okay, see you there !
Zangief: Yep, and don’t forget, you’re our number one customer ! Oops !(Put the
receiver back, quickly tidy up his desk and run to his car, nearly knocked down
some people on his way to his car.) (Author: I wonder what car can fit Zangief’s
big body ?)
Author/narrator/director/producer: Zangief drove through the busy New York
streets. He drove smoothly until he drove into a street where there were many
cars halted due to an accident.
Zangief: Oh, man, c’mon, c’mon (tapped the steering wheel impatiently).
Author/narrator/director/producer: Meanwhile, at the Karate class, the grading
was about to begin. All the students were coming out and lined up in front of
the spectators, mostly are their parents. Rose is taking Benny’s picture and
waved at him. Benny (Author: his hair was dyed black due to the circumstances –
Zangief and Rose both had black hair) smiled at her, and looked for Zangief,
but couldn’t find him.
Other SFers: Oooooooo !
Zangief: (Sobbing) But… but… but I want to be there, if it’s not for the car
accident… I’ll clean up the accident !!! (Got out of his car and started to
walk toward the accident).
Author/narrator/director/producer: Zangief ! Hey, where do you think you’re
going ?
Zangief: I want to go to the Karate class to see my son !
Ken: Hey, he’s my son !!
Author/narrator/director/producer: Both of you shut up !! Zangief, get back
in the car and don’t mess with the storyline !
M.Bison: (chuckled) he already did.
Zangief: (Grumbled and went back to his car) Fine, but if he sulked, that’s
your fault !
Author/narrator/director/producer: While waiting Zangief saw a street on his
right side. Seeing that there were no cars coming from the other side, he drove
into the street and continued his way.
Zangief: Heh heh heh, am I smart or what ?
Author/narrator/director/producer: But he didn’t realize that he passed the
speed limit, and there was a cop patrolling around. The cop saw him drove
faster than the speed limit then went to chase him.
Zangief: D*mn ! (pulled over)
Dan: (Approaching the car) Are you on a race, sir ? ‘Coz I didn’t get any
noticed about car racing in here.
Zangief: Umm… sorry officer, you see, I was late to see my son…
Dan: Oooo, you’re breaking my heart, mister. License and ID.
Zangief: (Took out his ID and license and glared at Dan).
Dan: Are you trying to scare me, mister ?
Zangief: No, officer, sorry…
Dan: Stepped out of the car, please.
Zangief: Excuse me ?
Dan: Are you deaf ? Stepped out of the car.
Zangief: But…
Dan: Stepped out of the car, mister !
Zangief: (grumbled and got out of the car).
Dan: Now walk two meters straight, and back.
Zangief walked and backed.
Dan: Recite ABC.
Other SFers snickered.
Zangief: (rolled his eyes heavenward) A, B, C, D…
Dan: Backwards.
Author/narrator/director/producer: Meanwhile, the class is already over.
Rose already went home with Benny, and Bison with Tetsuo, Tetsuo happened to be
in the same Karate class with Benny.