By Dan

Am I bitter? I don't think so... It doesn't matter that I'm not respected by many as a legitimate fighter, does it? Does it matter that my fellow Shotokan counterparts Ryu, Ken Masters, and even that young Brazilian kid Sean get more recognition than I? Probably not. But, nonetheless, I've kept mum about everything that has transpired here in CAPCOM. But I do have the urge to vent a little, so here goes...

WHY AM I NOT RECOGNIZED FOR BEING ONE OF THE BEST STREET FIGHTERS?

All I've ever done was improve. In Street Fighter Alpha, even I have to admit, I was PATHETIC. My Dankuukyaku was nothing but three forward flying kicks, and I only had two taunts. I even recounted to make sure. Only two... But regardless, as a secret character, I was one of the strongest. Ever tried a hop-in LK to LP to a level three Kouryuu Rekka in SFA? It was a beautiful thing, I tell you... At any rate, onwards to Street Fighter Alpha 2. I would say that this might have been my lower point in the games I have been featured in, perhaps. All the Shotokans outprioritized me in several ways, and it seemed as if the best thing I could do was taunt. Some people say that's STILL the best thing I can do, but I don't listen to them... Anyway, I added several cool taunts to my repertoire, including a very nifty... Yes, that's right, nifty, super taunt to further demean my opponents. Yet, that schoolgirl (and my number-one student) Sakura in her CPU form can take more vitality from me at level one than I can at level three to her? Complete nonsense...

...Now, before I rave, let me continue onto Street Fighter Alpha 3. I consider this my breakout game, y'know. The three -ism thing really worked out for me. Guy, on the other hand...Never mind. In this game, I improved my moves a thousandfold compared to others. I learned an aerial version of my Dankuukyaku, cleverly titled as Kuuchuu Dankuukyaku, which could also help me get out of a jam if I was ever trapped in a corner as well, hehe... I received some new, manly color palettes to my gi colors. I particularly like the new purple gi myself. It somewhat speaks to me... Ahem. Anyway, I also added a brand-spanking NEW super taunt where the player (that means you) could control each taunt I did, ultimately creating a custom taunt! I look around, and see everyone else just rushing trying to top me in the new moves list. Ken's Shippu Jinraikyaku? Boring... Ryu's Metsu Shouyuken? A joke! Rolento's Steel Rain? Don't get me started...

...But to tell you the truth, you know what really gets my goat? All the little side-games that I've been in. Now, you'd think that those games, like Pocket Fighter, would be a game where I can show off my true talent. You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? Well, guess what? Ain't gonna' happen. I'm even worse off in those games. In Pocket Fighter and Puzzle Fighter, all I can get are these measly red gems, so it takes twice as long for me to power up. In fact, ask the writer what his current record is with me in Pocket Fighter versus matches against his younger brother, and that'll sum it up for you...

...One more thing, before I leave... WHY WASN'T I IN CAPCOM vs. SNK? My agent had said it was a contractual dispute, but I think CAPCOM was afraid that I'd kick poor Ryo Sakazaki's butt from here to Goukentou, and that would sour the relationship between them and SNK. With that blasted game having no real surprises on the CAPCOM side, I could've been a welcome change as a secret character alongside Evil Ryu and Gouki. But who do they put in as the secret-secret character? A PSX version of that succubus Morrigan. Bleh. And besides, who really has beef with each other in the SNK\CAPCOM world? Not Ryu and Kyo, that's for sure. The other day, I saw them conversing over tea and crumpets... It's me, Ryo and Robert that have got serious issues between us. I don't hate them, granted, but it's way past time to show those two doppelgangers who's really got the skills, says I. Not to mention, the whole fighting universe...

...Well, that's it. I'm finished. I'm done venting, I guess. But I'm not done fighting... Fighting for my right to be recognized as the best thing in CAPCOM since, uh, the music for Ryu's stage in Street Fighter Alpha 3. All the other characters can stay the same if they want to, but I will get better and better with time, trust me. And then, when they least expect it, I'll swipe that title of best Street Fighter from underneath Mr. 'The Fight Is All', just wait and see... Then, I'll get top bidding on the cover art of Street Fighter games, I'll be the one with a fireball that goes the length of the screen (but will still be tossed one-handed, mind you. That's one thing you just can't mess with)... I'll be the one with the mighty color palettes and the bigger fan-base... I'll be the one with Chun-Li all over me like a cheap suit... er, forget that last one. But I hear some of you. You're asking that question again... Am I bitter? Do I really hate CAPCOM for what they've done, and not done, for me? Do I despise Ryu and Ken for being better than me even more than Sagat, who killed my father?

...Nah...

(The psychiatric doctor who's evaluating Dan from outside the padded room sweatdrops nervously, while another doctor takes down notes.)

Doc1: How long has he been like this?

Doc2: I think it was after CAPCOM versus SNK. He supposedly went crazy, and after attacking Ryu with a spoon, CAPCOM sent him here to 'find peace within himself'. Since then, he's been repeating those same words, for the last three years...

Doc1: A tragedy... Oh well. Hey, I heard CAPCOM vs. SNK 2 is out.

(Dan, from inside overhears this.)

Dan: Wha? Am I in it? TELL me I'm in it...

Doc1: Um, no.

Doc2: Sorry. They found someone else to take your place as the secret-secret character...

Dan: What!?! Who?

Doc1: (While walking away) A man with some jittes and a mask... I wouldn't dare say his name, though...

Dan: S-S-Sodom?

Doc2: Yeah, that's him.

Dan: AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!