She sat at the edge of the Divide, her legs folded beneath her, pale gossamer wings spread loosely around her sides. She stared sightless into the void, eyes unfocused as they saw past the ebony veil and into the living world beyond. She had decided, against the wishes of many here, to return. Perhaps things would go as she wished for once, however unlikely that was.

She heard not a sound beyond the low, constant hum of the veil caused by thoughts and prayers of billions penetrating the other-world in muffled, under-water-like echoes, but immediately felt it when a familiar figure appeared behind her by the incomprehensible methods and powers of his kind. She didn't have to turn to see the person robed in grey, with pale wings of the same color at his back, springing from between the folds of heavy robes. She could also feel the presence of the book he held, the Mysteries, of which he was the keeper. All things past, all things possible for the future, yet strangely never the present, for that was something visible to all here. She addressed him in thought rather than voice.

"Hello, Raziel..."

His face was well hidden in the depths of the hood he wore. "I believe you mean goodbye..."

Still staring into the veil, a ghost of a smile touched her soft, pale lips.

"No... My goodbyes are as yet unsaid. But they will come soon."

"There are many who wish you would change your mind. Longing to come here for so many years, only to leave nearly as soon as you arrive, you make little sense." His implied tone was almost amused.

Finally Natalie took her eyes from whatever it was in the other world that had been holding her attention to let her gaze drift down to her lap, where her long, slender fingers lightly clasped the alabastor material of her garments.

"I know... but He understands me, and has consented to my leave. It is already known to you and the others why I am given my choice."

He did understand. Because a thing not of her own world had caused Natalie’s death, it was therefore seen as "interference" in the way things were meant to be. Thus, a choice was set before her: to return to the world and finish her life, albeit changed by her experience, or to remain where she was in peaceful eternity, though always wondering what could have been as she watched those she cared for live on without her.

His thoughts sounded within her mind again, "You do realize that there is a chance you may not make it back? The mortal world... the life you will lead. They have a way of changing you, all that you are and what you believe in."

She smiled, bittersweet. Her voice barely carried over the background noise of distant pleas and streams of consciousness, "Is that one of the things written in your book? That I will become all I have fought against?"

His answer came in kind, "It is one of many possibilities, even given your stay here."

She knew he couldn't tell her what things might occur to change her so. He was only warning her to be careful. "It's a risk I'm willing to take. I'm stronger than I was before."

He was silent for a long moment, "Would your strength endure if you are left alone? There is a chance that those you return for will not welcome you back into their lives. Especially the one whom you seem so interested in."

He was right, she knew. As much as Natalie wished to ask him what the likelihood was of things working out as she wished, she refused. It would be pointless, and may have given her enough doubt to change her mind. Thus she stretched ethereal wings to admire the feathers, the likes of which she'd never seen on Earth, and would not see again for so long a time. At last she replied, "If I am to walk alone, I will do so in His will. I will not be wasted. I will not be useless. Most importantly, I will not be swayed." She had seen much since her arrival here, in some ways too much. She had seen the fate of the parents she never knew in life, and remained disturbed by the experience. No... she wouldn't follow in their footsteps. She would have to be stronger, hold onto that part of herself that made her kind, gave warmth to her smile and eyes. She did wonder what events he thought might change her, but resolved to overcome them, one way or another.

He turned from her at last, just as she turned to look over her shoulder at him with the haunting resolve of a soldier spouting famous last words. "It is almost time for you to leave. You may wish to say those goodbyes now," he said in a quiet tone that held a little more warmth than his previous cool nature. Warmth, and sadness, but never surprise.

She spoke while still looking into the darkness of the Divide, "You know so much about what will happen. All the different possibilities. Why come to me, when you know ultimately I will leave?" A simple question, with the curiosity of a child. He paused a moment before answering, holding the book in both hands and staring down at it almost wistfully.

"This book holds much, but some of His mysteries remain His alone, kept even from me. The future is ever changing. The past is so easily forgotten or misinterpreted. It is only the present that we have. It is all we've ever had, or will have. It is what we do with that gift that determines what is written in this book. If we all were to resign ourselves to a fate beyond our control... then both I and this book... even this place, would mean nothing."

Touched by his care, she looked at his back, at the graceful, frail-looking wings that adorned it, wings she would not have again for so long a time. Touched with grey, but still pure and heavenly, she knew his burden of knowledge was great, greater by far than the weight of her sacrifice. This was a place beyond all imaginations of man, and yet it was not without its responsibilities, and those who bore them. Her time here seemed too short, yet years, lifetimes in length. Where she had once longed for something better than the life she'd had, she now longed for those left behind, for a chance to live and see what would become of herself and them. Despite her desire, she knew also that once life brought grief and pain as it inevitably would, she would wish for this place, this Heaven.

"Goodbye Raziel... I'll see you soon."

The whisper that returned to her was hollow and sad, "Yes, soon."

Then he was gone, and she rose and turned away from the Divide, looking down as she prepared to farewell this place. "Soon..." she whispered as she willed herself away, to say those goodbyes.

====

The water was so cold...

It was dark. Her lungs burned for air, and briefly she wondered if she could make it to the surface in time. She couldn't tell up from down, but the direction of the bubbles that slid from her mouth guided her, though she couldn't see them, merely feel them as they tickled upward along her face. She kicked and struggled until she breached the surface with a gasp, followed by several coughs. It was night, but the three-quarters moon gave enough light to show that she was in the center of a pond, with nothing but nature surrounding her. She looked around, trying to grasp where in the world she might be. Cicadas sang their nightly song, along with a few birds that Natalie didn't recognize at first.

She swam to the bank and waded out of the water, naked and quite thankful that no one was around to see. The reeds and cane that lined the edge of the water began to settle for her where she was, and the gnarled little cherry trees solidified that. She was in Japan. She could see lights in the distance... a city. Conveniently enough, she'd been sent back to the country she needed to be in. Would she be lucky enough to also be near either Tokyo or Kyoto? She wrung the water from her hair as she looked around. She couldn't exactly walk into town like this...

Then she spotted a pile of something lying on the grass beneath a cherry tree. She picked it up, and breathed her thanks to the heavens. Clothes! Natalie dressed herself, though still damp, and began walking in the direction of the lights...